Second Thoughts

I’m back here sooner than I expected. I’ve just discovered Jez left me a comment for my post last Friday. I missed it before. He’s talking about giving everything up and coming over to find me. It’s weird, I never really thought about how my coming here would affect other people. Imagine him being willing to give everything up for someone like me. And Brim has written some wonderfully sensible stuff in his blog about how he suffered similar debt problems in the past and recovered. He says that it was slow going but it’s possible and he says I shouldn’t be using another credit card because it will only make things worse. He is so right.

It’s made me stop and think about what I’ve done and what I’m going to do in the future. I’m not ready to make any definite decisions just yet but I’ve done a couple of things just to leave some doors open. I’ve sent an email to the hospital, saying I’ve got some problems and asking if I can take one month’s unpaid leave. I don’t think they’ll say no, I’m a good nurse and it won’t cost them anything. I’ve also sent an email to my brother Kevin asking him to tell the family that I’m OK, although I haven’t told him where I am.

Finally, and most importantly, I’ve sent Jez an email telling him exactly where I’m staying. I’ve also said that he must think long and hard before he comes over. It’s not that I don’t want him to come, it’s just that I don’t want to risk ruining his life if he’s not 110% certain. My head is saying he should stay where he is, my heart is longing for him to find me.