In a Quandary
Jez, Jez,
I must confezz,
My life’s a mezz.
I had such a good weekend with Jez. I went down to stay on the narrow boat he’s thinking of buying. I wouldn’t say it’s the nicest boat I’ve ever seen, there’s a strange smell (dog?) and it’s damp. But it’s got great character and is obviously built to last. The name, “Lone Star” is painted on the side in red and gold in traditional style. On the doors is a painting of Che Guevara and, inside, there’s a little woodstove. When it got cool in the evening, Jez set it burning. It was a bit smokey but we opened the Che Guevara doors and it soon cleared. Generally, the boat has a really hippy feel to it. I kept saying things like “cool,” and “Right on, man.” It’s very Jez.
He’s such a great guy, although his friend Tim’s a bit of a pain. I laughed so much, especially when we were feeding the ducks on Saturday afternoon. We had some serious conversations as well, when we went for a walk on Sunday morning. I think he’s as dissatisfied with his life as I am with mine. I can imagine us having a real future together.
But then I came back here and I’ve spent all day answering calls from people chasing me for money. All day. I still haven’t rung for that loan and I don’t think I ever will. I can’t face the thought of tying myself to paying that amount of money every month. But if I don’t do that, then how am I going to pay back my debts? I’ll end up in court, I know I will.
How can I have a future with Jez? How can I expect him to make any sort of commitment to someone like me with my problems? I know there are a lot of people with worse problems. There’s that guy under house arrest, the one who killed cats. I was reading about another guy the other day. Ezra Kire his name is. He’s a musician who is homeless in New York. That must be terrible. I don’t think I’d like to live on the streets there. Or anywhere really. And my hair dresser was telling me about someone whose daughter, Aliss, is missing. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
So I’m not saying that I’ve got the worst problems in the world. And I’m not saying that, maybe, me and Jez couldn’t work it out. But I am saying that my pride probably wouldn’t let me get seriously involved with someone when I have so much debt.
What on earth am I going to do?
I must confezz,
My life’s a mezz.
I had such a good weekend with Jez. I went down to stay on the narrow boat he’s thinking of buying. I wouldn’t say it’s the nicest boat I’ve ever seen, there’s a strange smell (dog?) and it’s damp. But it’s got great character and is obviously built to last. The name, “Lone Star” is painted on the side in red and gold in traditional style. On the doors is a painting of Che Guevara and, inside, there’s a little woodstove. When it got cool in the evening, Jez set it burning. It was a bit smokey but we opened the Che Guevara doors and it soon cleared. Generally, the boat has a really hippy feel to it. I kept saying things like “cool,” and “Right on, man.” It’s very Jez.
He’s such a great guy, although his friend Tim’s a bit of a pain. I laughed so much, especially when we were feeding the ducks on Saturday afternoon. We had some serious conversations as well, when we went for a walk on Sunday morning. I think he’s as dissatisfied with his life as I am with mine. I can imagine us having a real future together.
But then I came back here and I’ve spent all day answering calls from people chasing me for money. All day. I still haven’t rung for that loan and I don’t think I ever will. I can’t face the thought of tying myself to paying that amount of money every month. But if I don’t do that, then how am I going to pay back my debts? I’ll end up in court, I know I will.
How can I have a future with Jez? How can I expect him to make any sort of commitment to someone like me with my problems? I know there are a lot of people with worse problems. There’s that guy under house arrest, the one who killed cats. I was reading about another guy the other day. Ezra Kire his name is. He’s a musician who is homeless in New York. That must be terrible. I don’t think I’d like to live on the streets there. Or anywhere really. And my hair dresser was telling me about someone whose daughter, Aliss, is missing. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
So I’m not saying that I’ve got the worst problems in the world. And I’m not saying that, maybe, me and Jez couldn’t work it out. But I am saying that my pride probably wouldn’t let me get seriously involved with someone when I have so much debt.
What on earth am I going to do?
posted by Smooth Blue at 6:40 PM
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