A smooth blue ocean
I'm feeling good today. Had a bad night but now I’m raring to go. It’s been a tough few months: I’ve felt like a tiny boat being tossed about on a stormy grey sea. But this morning, I believe I can get it all under control. The future spreads out before me like a smooth blue ocean under a cloudless sky.
This blog is one of the things I’m going to do to make my life better. Not that I think it will solve everything but I know I need to talk, to let go the things that whir round my head at night and stop me sleeping. It’s not that I don’t have people to talk to. I’m not a Billie-No-Mates. I have lots of people to talk to. Friends at work, friends on the net, my mother (if I was really desperate and didn’t want a sensible answer) or my sister. But they aren’t the right people to talk to about the things I want to say. They wouldn’t understand or they’d lecture me about it or they’d know exactly what I needed to do but it wouldn’t be what I wanted to do or be the right thing to do. Or they’d understand exactly what my problems are but they have the same problems and they’re not admitting to them in public either.
And I have to say, most of these people don’t really know me. They think they do. They see this sensible, level-headed, career-oriented nurse who works hard and occasionally plays hard. Who never lets things get her down, never steps beyond the boundaries of what is sensible, never takes a risk, never makes a gamble. But when I lock my door at night and turn on my computer then I become someone else, someone they don’t know, maybe even someone they wouldn’t like. I’ve turned into a split personality.
Oh no. I’ve just looked at the clock and realised it’s time to get ready for work. I’m working on a split today. 10 till 2, then 6 till 10. But don’t worry. I’ll be back. (Who was it who said that?)
This blog is one of the things I’m going to do to make my life better. Not that I think it will solve everything but I know I need to talk, to let go the things that whir round my head at night and stop me sleeping. It’s not that I don’t have people to talk to. I’m not a Billie-No-Mates. I have lots of people to talk to. Friends at work, friends on the net, my mother (if I was really desperate and didn’t want a sensible answer) or my sister. But they aren’t the right people to talk to about the things I want to say. They wouldn’t understand or they’d lecture me about it or they’d know exactly what I needed to do but it wouldn’t be what I wanted to do or be the right thing to do. Or they’d understand exactly what my problems are but they have the same problems and they’re not admitting to them in public either.
And I have to say, most of these people don’t really know me. They think they do. They see this sensible, level-headed, career-oriented nurse who works hard and occasionally plays hard. Who never lets things get her down, never steps beyond the boundaries of what is sensible, never takes a risk, never makes a gamble. But when I lock my door at night and turn on my computer then I become someone else, someone they don’t know, maybe even someone they wouldn’t like. I’ve turned into a split personality.
Oh no. I’ve just looked at the clock and realised it’s time to get ready for work. I’m working on a split today. 10 till 2, then 6 till 10. But don’t worry. I’ll be back. (Who was it who said that?)
posted by Smooth Blue at 9:57 AM
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